Hurricaine Hit......or maybe just Zeke's sledge hammer!!

Oh when the world falls apart, it falls apart but in our case we just had crazy hit the fan with things.

Up-date on hard stuff.....that is finally seemingly over.
I think that due to certain things going on in my family's circumstances immediate safety is of concern. I'm going to be needing to change my blog to something a tad bit more elusive and non-descript. I don't think it much matters to others, as not too many people read my blog. But I'm going to go ahead and say if you are interested in following the kid stories go ahead and e-mail me. Otherwise as soon as I can get this blog transferred it will get done, and I can reveal more of what's going on in better details and more elusive anonymity.

:)

Me, too: ¿Am I Too Far Gone To Be Fixed, TOO?!?!

http://carminecrayon.blogspot.com/2009/09/am-i-too-far-gone-to-be-fixed.html

Another blogger Carmine Crayon posted an interesting entry recently that hit me square in the chest because she spoke words that have been running through my mind so often. I often lay up at night just thinking these things, wondering what to do next, living between chaotic situations, going from one to another to another with very few breaks in between. Basically surviving in the midst of these never ending situations.
I find myself yet stuck again in these problems tied to my family, friends or from my own household. One of my big, big, BIG issues is dating and men....yes, I'm still single. Yes, I support myself, live on my own, support LQ & currently Zeke on my ever shrinking paycheck. And we are okay, we don't worry about the basics for which I am ever grateful for. We have yet to need any welfare assistance or other things. Zeke is searching for a job, so we are good on that, we do much, much better then many other people out there.
We are good. Yet, I am alone, and I do wish I had someone to share my life with the great, the good, the bad and the ugly. It would be nice. I'm just not sure there's a guy out there that wants to walk into my beautiful disasterous thing I call "my life." A male role model figure would be good, if not great for all my kids. A supportive encouraging partner, an adult shoulder to cry on or jump for joy with. Someone to take over dealing with the car repairs - wow - that would be beyond lovely. How about balancing the utility bills, rent and other household expenses - sorry but I hate dealing with the daggone bills. While I can balance my client's household expenses and income, I absolutely abhor doing my own.

There are more details to this, I can post at another time. I'm stuck on thinking out some of it right now.....

I'm hungry...

So this past weekend has been to fast...I haven't gotten to sleep in thanks to crazy days. LQ is 'working' at a studio on Saturday's so I have to drop her off on Saturdays by 9, which means I lost that as my sleep in day. But I get 4 hours of break from LQ, not sure what I prefer more.
Sundays church - which was nice but still can't sleep in. Zeke was hanging out with a friend this past weekend, because it was his friend's birthday. They ended up coming over for dinner on Sunday night, and left to drop him off.
I'm hungry for lunch, and I'm anxiously awaiting for 12 so I can go to lunch.
Work is insane, for reasons I won't go into right now but let's just say I have plenty to vent about at this point.
Thankfully I'm not as tired as I was so it helps.

I can't wait until some changes shake up this office though.

Okay, twenty minutes to lunch time.

Breeds to Choose from: Bull Terrier

If you go according to different breed categories - let's look at the most common. Don't think my kids didn't have to do this research, it was one of my 'tricks' to get Rhino and LQ to read, for research purposes and look up stuff. We spent a lot of time at the library, Petco, Petsmart, and book stores looking up dogs.
I'm generally into rare breeds, but we'll go with AKC categories. I'm a big believer in pets being a part of the family, yet, secondary to humans. I will always choose my children over my pets, not a debatable point here.
AKC has categories such as Sporting (Spaniels, Retrievers, Setters, etc), Hounds (Beagles, Hounds, etc), Working (Rotties, Malamutes, etc), Terriers (Cairn, Westies, Pitbulls, etc), Toys (Yorkie, Havanese, Maltese, etc), Non-Sporting (Bulldog, Boston Terrier, Lhasa Apso, Poodles, etc), Herding (German Shepherd, Collie, Tevuren, etc), and Miscellaneous Dogs (Cane Corsos, Coonhounds, etc).

I've owned dogs since the age of four, and started dealing with dogs on my own from age 19 till presently. Did some rehab, training, rescue, worked in a shelter as a tech and an adoption counselor, did my own rescue group for about 3 years as a non-profit. I've had a lot of experience with funky dogs, and given up dogs....lead me back into foster care I guess, but children were my bigger passion always. I've always thought about combining the two because I've loved dealing with dogs and teens. And somehow did pretty good while I worked at the SPCA and the rescue organization.

For some reason, the dogs in the Sporting category never interested me much, they can be pretty and on occasion I've met a couple of excellent dogs that have clicked with me, but not enough to bring them home. I've had a couple of friends that were excellent trainers and owners of championship sporting dogs, placed highly in different circles of dog sports. Its beautiful but just not my thing. The hunting aspect of dog ownership, never really interested me much other then the broken down components of tracking, retrieving, and obedience training. Their commonness also makes it hard to find a good example of the breed, worth getting from a breeder. Often times riddled with health issues or behavioral problems, I simply don't feel like dealing with.

Hounds - their vocalness usually turns me off for the most part. The two breeds in this category I've met and dealt with personally but never brought home was the Irish Wolfhound and the Scottish Deerhound, one of which was a foundation breed for my all time favorite breed. Their personalities of gentle giants who can be incredibly fierce and protective of their family's has always been an attractive quality to me. I've met them in dog parks and other dog friendly places, and fallen in love with them, their beauty at coursing, wow, their sensitive natures just totally turns me into mush. None of the kids like these though, only stating they are "ugly".....I have some back comments, but um....we'll keep those in my head. LQ sometimes likes hounds though, she's fallen for a couple of hounds when we've gone to the pet store. Zeke & Rhino - no interest.

WORKING Dog breeds - sorry had to smile - there are quite a few dogs in this category that I like but can't or shouldn't have because it would be irresponsible. Working breeds for the most part require...WORK....surprise, surprise.
Akita's while beautiful can be funky in temperament and have been restricted in the past. Malamutes, really not meant for non-working homes. Anatolians are awesome but again better for farms or working homes, same thing with BRTs, Schnauzers, Pyrenees, Bernese or Greater Swisses. Great Danes...I LOVE GREAT DANES, I dabbled in Dane rescue. BIG babies, I love the Harlequins though. Personalities are awesome but health issue and short life spans, make them questionable at this point for my home, plus like an SUV everything for a GD is going to cost significantly more then a smaller dog. I love Great Pyrenees, if I ever get a big plot of land, I plan to fully fence in and get me a pair of those gorgeous guardians. They are good dogs, and haven't been too messed up. I like the giant schnauzers as well, but the funkiness of their beards and grooming requirements, makes me rethinking the ownership of one. Neopolitan Mastiffs - Oh, I had one of those BABE!!! A not so pretty funny dog, she was LAZY but efficient non-caring girl, interesting dog. Mastiffs for the most part are favorites of mine. Samoyeds I've liked as a child until I actually met one, and they were too barky, but I do admit they are pretty. Huskies- I have a GSD/Husky and escape artist, destructive, damaging lovable beautiful girl. Rotties - have been so messed up, definite no-no. Tibetan Mastiff, hard to come by.

Terriers for the most part have funky personalities, non-surrendering stubborn dogs...hmm....I can see why LQ leans towards this category. I can preface this by saying I have no issues with pitbulls, just the owners and how they are raised. I like Cairns myself, but those dogs can range easily over a $1000, I like Bull Terriers as well, another foundation breed for my favorite breed. For the most part I don't like dealing with the grooming most terrier's require nor their incessant high strung high energy personalities. So not trying to get a terrier.

Then we get the little dogs - aside from the Havanese, which I spoke of in the last post, I can't see us going for any of these breeds as for the most part they are too sensitive and delicate for my household. And I need a sturdy tough dog.

Non-sporting dogs - Boston's maybe. I like the French Bulldog, both of those are small enough but tough little dogs. I personally like the Tibetan Terrier (a non-terrier terrier) but the grooming is a no-no.

The herder's.....well, I could use a herder in my house, since I feel like the herder in my house most of the time....Zeke had a OES that he fondly remembers growing up with. I generally don't like herders as their constant high energy and herding tendencies, and require training and constant business drive me to craziness, I speak from experience. While incredibly smart, the herders tend to be turned on for work as much as possible.

Miscellaneous Class - Cane Corsos - I like, I've met a couple just hard to find them, and get a good temperament one through not so expensive sources. They are worth their weight in gold if you can get a good one.

Darn, I'm picky.
There is another category we haven't gone into....the FSS Foundation breeds. There is a few breeds here that interest me....the lagotto Romagnolo I find interesting. The Central Asian Shepherd Dog, and the Caucasian Ovcharka, both dogs that require work. The Boerboel. Though my favorite - is the Dogo Argentino......

Breeds to Consider: Havanese - Size & Grooming

This is one of the rare small breeds of dogs. There are only a few small breeds I would really consider due to my general dislike of the small dog complexities. I don't like yippy yappy barking all over the place dogs. I've never liked mini or toy poodles, one of my aunts had a pair as we were growing up and I have vivid memories of those suckers chasing us around my own house. Deplorable creatures. One of my best friends had a pomeranian that had really foul breath. He was okay otherwise, but just his yappyness got on my nerves. We had a pekingese as well, and his uppity attitude was comical but didn't click with me. My dad hated that dog, he use to sit on the top part of the sofa and assume he ruled the world.

This particular breed - the Havanese - has a few pluses due to it's Latino heritage/background that I am totally into. Major plus, plus it's personality of being comical, trainable and family friendly totally gives it an edge far beyond other breeds of small dogs. The big negative is dealing with all that hair, since it would require upkeep, I may not have the patience for, and I know LQ certainly won't. And I won't even say anything as far as Zeke or Rhino in regards to this area, as both boys have extremely short hair.

LQ, Zeke and Rhino both prefer to go for a 'tough' looking dog, versus a girlie dog. Zeke keeps calling a Havanese a poodle. As he views them as frou-frou dogs.
Plus he likes bigger dogs, actually all of us prefer bigger dogs.

Dogs, more dogs and puppy dog tails......

Okay, since I'm making a big decision as to a dog situation.

I wanted to list how each family member currently in my home weighs in. Even Rhino's over the phone contributions, because believe it or not we still believe he is part of the family.
We are in general a dog friendly family.
While at his school, middle school he was in the animal care class, which he really enjoyed. They had snakes, fish, lizards, birds, turtles and an enclosed garden that the kids had to care for. It was really great for Rhino. Rhino prior to leaving wanted a pet, and we had talked about it. Wanted to wait until we moved, since we already had my spayed female Shepherd Husky who is about 8 years old, I've had her for about 7 years or so, since I moved out on my own and was co-habitating with my ex-boyfriend.
LQ was all about getting a dog, prior to moving with her dad she was with a family that had two pitbulls and she wanted another. Rhino supported the idea of a pitbull because well, they are great dogs to show off with, and make an impression with the neighborhood kids.
"Tough" dog, plus Rhino liked posturing and used whatever resources he could to do so.
I believe in animal therapy and its benefits for people in general, and simply great for children with traumatic pasts, or children with mental health issues. My dogs have always been great with the kids in our family. In my years of living on my own, I did do some dog rescue, rehab, training, and owned quite a few 'bully' breeds, or breeds with bad reputations. What I did learn was that it was rarely the dog's fault but often times the owner's and their way of raising/treating the animal. Environment and genetics play a big part in how an animal will behave...um...human children as well.
So needless to say we didn't get a dog any time soon after that, in the midst of loosing Rhino, moving a couple of times, settling into our new place, work schedules, LQ's issues, and then just life happens. It was something we talked about during those rare quiet moments when we had nothing to do.
I often times, take LQ and I for "puppy therapy" and we will visit shelters and the pet store with puppies. We play with the puppies, we never buy anything there, as I'd rather go through other sources for a dog.
Just enjoy my little girl cracking up while a pup bites her toes and goofs off with her. Its good to forget in those moments the hardship of day to day life. We end up talking about getting a dog, but it just doesn't seem like spending nearly a thousand dollars for a pup that is from a mass breeder. Thanks, but I've already got enough issues at my house, don't need to pay for more.
So if we did get a dog, would go with a rehoming situation or a rescue to get a better idea of the dog's background. Plus, I'd need to ensure the dog would have a very stable temperament and be EXCELLENT with children, so that definitely puts limits on what I could bring home permanently.

Walking at night

I admit I am a night person, I like to walk around my place at night. Or drive around the area at night, when I take long trips out of state I usually leave after the evening traffic, and get to where ever I'm going in the early dawn hours to crash at a family members home or a hotel. My kids know this, well, Zeke has yet to experience it but he knows its one of my tendencies.
Last night I was having one of my particularly thoughtful evenings, LQ was already asleep - her bedtime is at 10:00 p.m. which always ends up being a tad bit of a tiff between us. Zeke and I usually watch movies for a while, since I can stay up pretty late without trying, I use it as a method to calm me down. Zeke takes this time to wind down and have "talk therapy" with me (what I call it in my head).

He seems to really look forward to these private moments when he has all my attention and we've gotten into some incredibly deep conversations about things, I don't think he's ever really told anyone. Details I obviously can't even divulge despite the anonymity of this site. Zeke has always given this 'hard' gang banging, heartless, carefree, criminal persona - which I do not doubt he can be. Yet this is his human side, a part of him he hides because he doesn't want anyone to know how 'soft' he can be, how big his heart is. I witnessed him yesterday talking to his younger brother's that were babies as he was entering his teen years right before their family was torn apart.
He has this hate towards the government, government officials, authority, etc. When he was sick the other day, very sick, he was still muttering curse words under his breath every time we passed a cop car on the street. His life has been torn apart by social workers, judges, etc. I think a lot of times his incredible potential, never ceases to amaze me, and I'm sure its something I've said before. Zeke is incredibly smart, gifted and yet his past has stunted his potential and it angers me because he could otherwise be in a different place in his life. He enjoys learning the challenging of his mind, yet he's scared to try because failure is so frequent in his life. His self-esteem is torn apart and to push him to want more, to believe to give him hope is such a struggle.

What are we doing to these children? What can we do to stop them? The system has to change.